My demands are very small. Small requests. Little people’s little wants. It is so small that it cannot be seen. I am a man who is satisfied with little. Even if someone talks sweetly, I melt. I think I give my life for him. If someone calls me and gives me a cup of tea, I am happy. I was confused about what to do for him in return.
But there are many people of my opposite type. No matter how much I do for them, I don’t feel like anything. The more I think of them, the more they push away. The more I love, the more I neglect. On the other hand, I have also pushed away the people I love, ignored them. Everything has a judgment. When I first came to Toronto, a social worker said to me one day, “Shonen Jasim, Kaure Kailja Kaita, you won’t feel like eating a piece of Kaira.”
It is true. Sometimes it seems like a joke. Not that I want anything from people. Waiting for something. I can’t pressure anyone for anything. Lest anyone think I’m embarrassing. Never wanted to be a burden to anyone. But even love has a demand. This claim is established in the subconscious. I don’t hesitate to ask for anything from loved ones. I will not hesitate.
But we often fail to recognize the right person. From whom I expect something, I see that he rejects it. Stand by the one who does not expect. There is always some mystery in the world. Mystery of human character, mystery of relationship, mystery of mind, mystery of nature.
This mystery cannot be penetrated by anything. Sometimes it happens that for a small reason I break down in despair, break down. It seems that I will not be able to stand up after overcoming this disappointment. I live in deep fear. I became dry with anxiety. There is no eating, no sleeping. It seems that the hope of life, the dream ends here. There is no real happiness in life. There is no unceasing sorrow.
I feel pain when people who are very close to me misunderstand and push me away for trivial reasons. But don’t go to correct someone’s mistake. I know one day he will realize his mistake or maybe never. This is life. I make a lot of mistakes too. No relationship is permanent. Friends are not friends forever, husband and wife are not husband or wife forever, lovers are not lovers, kinship ties are also broken. Distance is also created with brothers and sisters. We have to live with this contradiction.
But no matter how depressed I am, no matter how seemingly great danger I am faced with, no matter how much life seems to be over, still there is always a glimmer of hope in the depths of my mind.
I think that one day I will be able to overcome the depression and get rid of the danger. The broken sky overhead will suddenly move away. This is how people get rid of danger. There will be dangers in life, but there will also be freedom. Life fills both hands like that and takes away. When one door closes, two doors open. Nothing in life is inevitable. No one is inevitable. Life will not stop for anyone. Life is not wasted even if you don’t get anything.
Even after living together for forty or fifty years, when one of them leaves, the other has to live. live My life is always a miracle. From childhood. No one knows about my dreams. I cherish these very closely. It continues even today.
Because my wants are small, very small, what I get becomes big for me. As much as I have received or receive the love of people, small neglect, neglect is very insignificant. Even if you don’t count them. Love is found by loving.
Toronto, Canada
